


Phantom Thieves no Thieving!

by Bilbosama



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Blood, Crack, The Author Regrets Nothing, dora the explorer references, now with bonus 'oh crap' chapter, post-interrogation spoilers, yeah that one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 01:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11220150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bilbosama/pseuds/Bilbosama
Summary: Goro Akechi gets an idea from watching Western kid shows.





	1. Akechi's folly

**Author's Note:**

> This exists because it was funny in my head at the time.
> 
> Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Persona 5. Or the Dora The Explorer reference.

"There was this foreign children's show on a train station TV the other day," Akechi announced on TV.

"Oh?" said the interview host.

"It had a thief character and when he appeared, the other characters chanted 'Swiper no swiping' several times before he retreated."

"Ah, my niece watches that show a lot," the host raised an eyebrow, "where are you going with this, Akechi-san?"

"It got me thinking. Wouldn't it be great if we could repel the Phantom Thieves if we said a similar chant?"

"Y...yes but -"

"How about Phantom Thieves no thieving?"

"Akechi-san-"

"It's just a little bit of fun. Phantom Thieves no thieving!"

"Phantom Thieves...no thieving?" parroted the host.

"Again! Phantom Thieves no thieving!"

"Phantom Thieves no thieving!" shouted several audience members.

It went on for a minute before Akechi smiled, "well, that was fun."

[Meanwhile in Hawaii]

Ryuji paused as he approached the bus that was taking his class to the hotel they're staying at. Something felt off. He looked around and saw nothing suspicious.

He shrugged. Must've been that 'plane drag' thing he's heard of. Eh, it wears off while you sleep right? He'll be fine.

[Meanwhile in Leblanc]

Morgana suddenly yoweled, leapt out of the booth he was napping in, and ran upstairs as two customers and Sojiro watched, startled by the spontaniety of the moment.

"Gotta love cats, huh?" commented one customer, "They always make my life interesting."

[Later]

Goro Akechi looked as his phone and frowned.

The metaverse navigator app was missing. Did that chant really work? But if it did, it included him as well. How fascinating.

It didn't reappear until two days had passed. By then, he had vowed to not do it again.

Besides, it was a very undignified experiment if one could judge the Internet comments.

-ARE YOU THAT DESPERATE, AKECHI-SAN?-  
-AKECHI NO DETECTING-  
-AKECHI NO DETECTING-  
-AKECHI NO DETECTING-  
-WAIT ARE WE SERIOUSLY DOING THIS?-  
-WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE?-  
-I GOT AN IDEA. RISETTE NO STRIPPING RISETTE NO STRIPPING RISETTE NO STRIPPING-  
-WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO US, ANON?-


	2. Bonus Chapter - November 20th 20XX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That feeling when you're attempting to sleep and you realize how Akechi could use the chant to pretty much punch the Thieves' post-Casino plan into the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER WARNING FOR POST-CASINO FALLOUT AND THE BAD ENDING I GUESS.
> 
> IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO NOVEMBER AND DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, TURN BACK NOW.

In one swift movement, Goro Akechi disarmed the guard, shot him, and turned to face his captive. The Phantom Thief - whose real name is Akira Kurusu - a mere teenager with code name 'Joker,' stared at Akechi in shock. It's likely the fool is still under the influence of the serum and merely believes he's still hallucinating.

Akechi smirked. It's all going to plan.

He was about to lord his victory when an idea came to him. What if the Phantom Thieves had taken capture into account and had a back up plan? How could he counter - _oh yes_.

"Akira Kurusu no escaping," he approached the table. The prisoner looked up, confused.

"Akira Kurusu no escaping," he raised the gun to be level with the target's head. Victory is within his grasp.

Akira Kurusu sat up straight and glared back at his killer. He will not beg for his life.

"Akira Kurusu no escaping," Akechi pulled the trigger.

Akira Kurusu, code named Joker, fell forward and blood splattered across the table the moment his head landed. He's dead.

Akechi removed the silencer off the gun and placed the gun in the corpse's hand.

He left the room, victorious.

* * *

OMAKE

* * *

The room flickered. The guard's corpse faded away.

Akira sat in the chair, smirking.

"Goro Akechi no winning."

A minute passed.

"God, I can't believe I did that. What a stupid meme."

The door opened. Sae Niijima steps back into room, approaches the teen, and holds out a hand.

"Come with me if you want to live."

...Did he hear that right?

The drugs. It must be the drugs still in his system. Yeah, he must be imagining this.

Well, at least he still won the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Akira's dignity


End file.
